Ever seen someone over-exert on their limited brain power..we might be forced to believe that exposure to the internet and information has made this tribe extinct, but that is a farce. It so happens that this genre of homo sapiens has been living like evolved vampires who can now face the sun..dont need ray-bans, well, may be they need ray-bans. They have taken the deception act to a whole new level...

They are now all around you and they have defence..

I have come to believe that most of these have overtime created a pseudo world for themselves wherein their alter egos take over. In a trance of such sorts these super humans are under the impression that there is one thing they are good at..seems hard to believe but they do find such abstract imaginations..

Off late a few i have seen a few come out of their disguises and most of them have apparently mastered the art of relationships..if there is one.. and they are armed with a few conversation starters..something that will sound like a question..

This is how they play it..they want to start this off as a group game / drinking game

• Do you think being attracted to someone else while being committed to one is alright?
• Wow that question is something eve asked adam and he spat the apple back in her face

Thats all it takes for them to get a weakling to speak..{alcohol makes men stronger and women weaker..or is it the other way round}..they respond to the first words that spurt out of anyone's mouth and they will offer advice like they have been hired professionally to do it.. They are now more interested and will pry into peoples lives like knowing your secrets would save the world..at a later advanced stage of the conversation {read beyond their intellect} they will slowly move out and stand and admire the ruckus they have created...

Before they walked out they successfully managed to create sub groups from within the people they were trying to talk to and have some how cast the same spell on everyone else and driven them into a trance they dont want to break out of..so now all are trying to match their intelligence with the lower species, thinking it is the goal to meet tonight..you can now see small leaders springing up within these smaller groups trying to inflict as much emotional pain to their peers from the group by citing experiences where they have been dumped because they acted like low life scums..

Its a dangerous plot the minds of the alter egos of the select few have designed carefully..Imagine lying on a beach trying to appreciate the stars which is a rare sight to see..or lets assume we dont care to see..and then bangg..all you see is drunk people walking around kicking dust in your face.. huddles all around .. sobbbing drunk men and women..emotionally challenged individuals trying to emerge as the superior being among the other weaklings.. wow.. these are stars..

Mission Accomplished.. the alter ego has enslaved the species with a bigger population..

I know.. i totally know that these are the same people who started off being the lesser beings but not apparently so..

I was at work today and around noon I realized its night in Australia..and I thought to myself it would be great to work in australia because work would be over by now.. not realizing that i would still have to work 9 hours to make it..I also believe i can live longer if I travel India ..America..America..India frequently..hahahh Time difference.. i grow younger when i reach america and older when i come back to india.. tempering steel makes it stronger and increases shelf life.. i dont know how it applies to me but i like the concept..

Till Then..

For a world where people didnt have names just number tags..

Over time i have realized that i am a little paranoid..come to think of it would you call a person paranoid if he / she has dreams where they are faced with various situations dangerous and life threatening and they eventually fall out of the dreams with a plan of action..if at all the situation had to arise for real..

Fkkk ..Huston we have another problem!

I think i have a solution for most situations.. ranging from

• An Annaconda in the house
• Burglars in groups of 3 or 4
• Flood
• Fire
• Earthquake
• End of the World
• I.T. Raid
• My Arrest
• Contract Killers knocking on the door
• Road Accident
• Car Fuel
  
• Vampires
  

I know thats a lot of shit i have been thinking.. but i cant share these plans with you because they are supposed to be executed in a particular fashion just to make sure you are in control of the events and the plan falls in place..

Okk... now you are seriously thinking I have a problem.. Fkkk u .. I have a plan.. u dont.

I have come to believe that most office spaces are not ready for calamities and disasters.. people can face some serious shit if one hits them..Imagine this.. an office floor with 100 employees served snacks in the evening..shit so happens that the foood had gone bad.. bad i mean really bad..and everyone has a maddd urge to take a shit

There are 4 urinals and 2 shit pots available on a floor for men and Im assuming 3 for the women.. Where the fkkk do u think will all these people take a shit..The immediate defence of this situation is there might be other toilets in the building..but do u think some other office will let you take a crazzy asss shit in their toilets.. the main building premises also have 2 spare toilets..how much good can 4 toilets for 100 people.. The closest place I think we can take a shit is in the dustbins each desk has.. Imagine the number of tissues we will need then..

And then they talk about being paperfoolish..

This is a question to all my environmentalist friends who brag about saving trees, paper and in turn the world and nature in its current state. I say screw you guys.. Firstly i dont have any friends who are environmentalists.. i only have friends who are stuck in their pseudo beliefs that they can save the world.

The problem starts in a place we think the problem has ended..The Toilet.

Quick question:

• How many tissues does it take to wipe your hands after you wash ur hands?
• How many squares of tissues do you use to wipe off your dingleberries?
• How many tissues do you use to wipe the seat of a toilet before you use it? dont fkkkin nod ur head..we know u do that
• How many tissues do you ask for with a single mcdonalds burger and fries combo? How many with a sub?
• How many times do you print a wrong document or try getting a copy right?
• How many times have you taken prints of a reduced slide layout of a presentation?
• How many tissues did you pick up with that slice of bread you toasted and got to your desk at work today?
  

Ghanta..Big Fkkking Ghanta to all your gyaan about being an aware world citizen. When it comes to your hands or your ass crack you want to wipe it clean over and over again..and then you want to read some email / article / banner and start acting responsible till you get back to your shit hole...the real shit hole

Dont give me shit about the paper being recycled and all that ball sack that comes following it...we seriously have no fkkin clue and we think we are doing the world a favor by donating 1500rs a quarter to greenpeace...(yeah I used to send that money till the card company blocked my card)..if some paper is being recylced some is being used fresh..

Just for the record I use 3 tissues to wipe my hands off..and i dont give a shit because anytime i pay a visit to the washroom, there is already a drum full of these tissues..which brings me to my next point..

Till then

For a world where the Ipad could clean shit up

Keeping up with the tradition of once in a while posting a chat conversation that made no sense then, but will some years later. Here is another one..unfortunately there is no victim in this one..well if you think Bobby is the victim of fun..the fun has just begun..

So shit happened so that I saw someone with teeth that looked charred and the last time i saw something like this was in Soldier the movie..I shared the link with Anish because he hadnt seen this before..and what follows is a bag load of shit..have fun

• anish: ok i have some questions abt the soldier scene why was the gang on skates?
• aryaditya: they were cool like that.. and jojo was the next generation of the gang like the younger triads
• anish: ok fair enough
• skates pe aaye toh aaye, why did they have to jump on tables and spoil everyones meal?
• aryaditya: because they are goons.. moreover it is a spectator sport and they need audience..even if they came in normally and fought they would end up messing up peoples food..and in the process their colthes..so they came they removed the food from the table got peoples attention and their asses kicked
• anish: just by tapping the knife on the table, how was bobby deol able to cut right through the at elast 2 inch thick table? Also, how did he get around the wrist while doing that?
•  aryaditya: its about the precision of a ninja. a ninja always times his strikes.. there is a defence mechanism in shaolin which is called iron shirt.. which is used to defend against this.. ninjas can propell darts and kill a person after having scaled a wall.. bobby has been trained in all of this.. ninjas are known to conserve their energy and strike when the object is the weakest.. bobby did that by penetrating the table where the wood has a split and this is figured with his concentration penetrating the cloth.. also he hit the wrist where the bone and veins have the biggest gap. its a science..he proved this again in Bichhoo and Chamko..u havent seen his movies i believe
• anish: no i havent . I understand Jojo was wearing skates but how was he bouncing back from solid objects after Bobby hit him, to go right back to Bobby?
• aryaditya: i was hoping you would ask this

• aryaditya: The secret lies in the start of the movie..Bobby's dad gets killed and his mom Rakhee goes into a trance (similar to karan arjun).. boby goes to japan to train as a ninja (not shown in the movie) and when he comes back the murderer has left the country.. unfortunately he went to an erathquake prone country and all furniture and walls are made of flexi board to avoid damage to human life at the occurance of an earthquake.. This flexi board coupled with the force and timing that boby struck with.. JoJo had no option but to keep coming back for more

•  anish: sounds plausibl. Why is Bobby Deol so fucking ugly? Has no one ever told him his hair resemble pubes??
•  aryaditya: Its a sad story..Dharmendra wasnt expecting bobby, instead he was hoping esha would get born then..but shit happens..so he was the neglected son and didnt get any money for grooming. which is why we dont see any bobby before barsat (that was his debut movie)..at any movie premiers or interviews or parties.. Bobby had to get everything done by himself and picked up whatever he could from the magazines and tv he could get his hands on.. at one point in time sunny lost his charm and dharam wasnt making any money so they thought of making use of the son they never wanted..gave him a movie and thought they would make money and laugh at the guy and his hair.. unfortunately bobby clicked and sunny sucked...sunny went to the gym again and made a comeback with action movies like ziddi.. bobby was doomed.. but thats how life is.. Dharam is now confused and treats esha like the son he had planned when she was born.. (her debut movie she looked like dharam in skirts..she debuted with Sanjay Kapoor.. Soch.. intelligent movie)

 Till then...

For a world where facts were fiction

Im not sure of the percentages here but there are some who know where this line is from, some are still reading and some have no clue at all. So before we get down to work [work here would be what ive come to do} lets have a little Bollywood 101. Any time you hear any of these lines, you need to know the movie.

• Holi kab hai..kab hai Holi
• Sholay
• Teja mai hoon..mark idhar hai
• Andaz Apna Apna
• Maaf...Muhahhaa... mai tujhe saaf kar doonga
• Golmaal

Beginners can try dealing with this for starters. In case you wish to hear more. Call me!

<< There was text above that opened and closed with a different bracket..it was to add color to the post. The Call Me bit made it sound like an escort service classified.. fkkk that shit >>

My earliest memories of holi are somewhat skewed. I used to be shit scared of the fkkers roaming around with color on their faces like they are from a different planet. The most I could deal with was water balloons and be scared that if at all i did throw one on a color maniac I would get nailed. The fear was almost like that of a school exam result or may be worse. I guess it would compare to the feeling you might have when some one with a poisoned dart shooting at you. I havent seen my dad play holi ever so i thought it was something that bad men did. One holi-day these full grown adult married men were all holi-ing around and they decided they have to take my dad down with them. We were all watching them from our window when 2 of them decided to climb the building wall and get into our house...(lesson learnt..dont buy a house on the first floor.. i just realized those 2 men were really athletic and they could rob a first floor apartment easily) I almost shat in my pants and i knew i did for sure. I started running around like a mad fkk who just realized how the world will end..i dont know what happened after that coz i think i made a dash for the bathroom.

Growing up a little more, the festivities in our apartment complex went down and the show was moreso along the streets. Unfortunately for me our windows and balconies opened up to the inside of the complex. Fkkk that shit..My sis had a school class mate who had a balcony open facing the road.. that was the shitt because she stayed on a higher floor and had a good vantage point..shittt also happened so that her house was a little too far from the street to be able to throw a balloon off it..nonetheless it was a good place to see the action from...The sight i best liked was when a group of people would catch hold of a single person and color him like they were about to sacrifice him...so we did our usual.. fill up buckets of water balloons and stood there in the balcony like a bunch of loser kids and throw them hoping to hit a passing group of colored chipmunks..fkk knows how these balloons usually landed on the cars and and the security guards..

I remember this one holi when we were as usual at my sisters friends place..and her dad pulled the back of my shorts, put a water balloon in them and burst it there.. I had wet shorts allright.. but what were you thinking..im not sure if that sounds like a fantasy for an older man and if it qualifies as childhood abuse.. but if it does..i still have it at the back of my head...beat that shit I tried doing the same to him too..what does that make me..

The years there on saw me graduate from a spectator to a player..then came in chemical paints..detergent..fabric paint..ecofriendly..back to dirty..silver..gold..foil..industrial dyes..and a whole lot of shit.. running back to plain old red..

So i always wanted to be like these hooligans..colored..scaring kids..not scared of colors (like it would help me face aliens or exams better)..and it did turn out that way.. holi these days is anything that includes a lot of drinking, bhaang ke pakode, music, color, muck, eggs, torn shirts, jalebi, vadapav..and shit like that..

Till then..

For a world with 4 holis a year... (highly optimistic)

What is the difference between Procrastination and Castration?

Fkk knows..and I dont even give a fkk for what this difference is because Im not here to talk about. I just thought ill throw something at you to think about.. its a retarded thought but it is true to some extent. {note to self..why the fkk are u still talkin about it}..

Don't you find it weird that people, moreso remote acquaintances tell you that you are losing weight at exactly the moment when you are at the peak of sulking from realizing that you are fkkking gaining weight. (not all of you will know this feeling, but yeah if you have been gaining weight or if you are a chic, you know what shit im talking about)

I have a firm belief that on most occasions these stray passing fillers used by people you have tried to not meet for the last month or so ( fkk they had to show up) are so used because they wish to hear something good about their waistline too..I usually dont give a fkk about responding appropriately to this huge ball sack that people throw at me.. except for when their timing is perfect...like the time when they might have spent a fortune on a gym membership, run a few miles over a month, bought a lose tee shirt and now feel slim because they had a motha fkkin apple for breakfast and some yogurt for lunch..

My reply.. I dont think ive lost weight..stand smile..u havent either.. Muahaha.. sorry to break ur dream Cinderella..but that million that u spent doing everything else didnt help.. Which is why i didnt do any of that and saved myself all that money.. Perfection comes from Experience and Experience comes from Bad Decisions... heard this in some movie..and yeah i dont care to give credits here... Sue me...Ive had my share of gym memberships.. apples.. sprouts..salads..no chocolates.. and treat days.. its a bag full of shit..and like shit. it doesnt work.

I have my own theory to why I think i gain weight..Its all about Metabolism.. thats the key here..I read a shit load about it in biology class in school and college... but it only made sense now because I found out some new shit about metabolism and how it works on us...

Did You Know that re-growth of nails and hair and skin is a resultant of Metabolism?? Bull Fkkin Shitt.. no wonder..allright you dont know why im so ecstatic..heres the deal.. I have always been injured the most as a kid and growing up... always had the most number of bruised knees and elbows and chins..even though this was because of my misplaced center of gravity..I have been biting the nails of my fingers for the longest time I can remember..(just for the record I have also had phases where I ate whole pencils, wood and lead, plastic, paper and cloth..which also adds to the un-digested deposits around the inner lining of my stomach and intestines..) dont get back to the shit place in your head from where you digg the grave of that word Stress and get it out in action.. No i dont have that shit on me.. and i just like biting my nails.. I like the feeling of skin on my finger tips with no nails....I have always been fascinated with bald bad men... russian mafia..prison movies and predator.. all these made me think i would look cool with the bald head and so i make it a point to shave my head every 3 months..

I gain weight because my metabolism gets used up trying to :

• Heal my bruises (in the early years of my life)
• Grow my nails (daily)
• Grow hair

Now there is only so much metabolism one can produce and if it all gets fkkkin used up tryin to do things im anyways going to bring back to ground zero.. when will my body digest the food right and throw it to the right places..

Conclusion: Stop biting nails, keep long hair and dont get injured to lose weight. Thats my plan for the year. What are you doing this year.

Till then..

For a world I dont care about..

I have been thinking.. what works better, a lighter or a matchbox. Its a fkked up thought, but its worth the time and the money spent on it. I know you are thinking (that is if you are reading this.. fkkk i hope u are, whoever you are) this is not something you would waste time on a thought like this and if I have..something is messed up. Well guess what. I dont give a rats arse for what you think. You read what I think. I have total control over you. You shall do what I say..

Coming back to the lighter v/s matchbox fight, lets get some facts straight.

• A lighter costs Rs.20 in the market (if you buy a zippo you can easily print this post on a paper, roll it and shove it.. u know where)
• A matchbox costs Rs. 1
• A matchbox has 50 matchsticks (im discounting the fact that there are a few retarded sticks in the pack)
• A lighter has around 20 ml of fuel in it
• Going by the above average count, I would assume you can light 50 cigarettes with a matchbox (this doesnt apply to dimwits who cant light one cig with one match)
• A lighter (strictly by the average that I have accounted for with my experiences) lights up around 140 cigarettes (7 packs)
• So far the lighter is winning but here is where it changes a little
• Even if I have to take 3 match boxes to make up for the number of cigarettes one lighter lit, I spent just Rs.3
• If I have to save money and refil the lighter thats Rs.5 more
• maa ki aankh yeh kya ho raha hai
• Thank you for reading and wasting your time I will still use a lighter
• This is an effort to take donations and recover the money i wasted on the cigarette packs trying to figure out the best available light option

I believe I have understood the entire Writers Block Syndrome. Its like stress, you dont know what it is, how it happens and if it has happened to you. But some person will probably use the word freely in describing a headache, stomach ache, pregnancy, carpal tunnel, bad bowel movements or any form of shit that happens to you. This person might not be a shrink but he will try to sound like one with some intellectual masturbation.

Intellectual masturbation starts with the first few words someone throws at the listener. If it sounds profound he goes with the flow and results in a shit fest that has words he/she learnt in a GRE / GMAT class using flash cards, but unfortunately couldnt make it to the course; and is now somehow trying to use those. Intellectual masturbation is a result of a persons morale being down, as a result making him a listener by virtue of his brain being retarded. The speaker here is an opportunistic dick sucker who thinks he/she has the trait to speak and make sense even while swimming. It ends up making the listener suicidal and the speaker wanna grab a drink and write something on the CV.

The Writers Block on the other hand is the result of your deviation from usual. Usual for you would be a pattern that you see in rhythm when you make posts. You post when there is a good thing to say, a good thing that happened, a new buy, a new link to share, a new experience in life, or just a fkking hour at hand (that would be me). Habituated to the pattern we feel retarded making a post, after we didnt make a post that should have been a post according to the pattern. Breaking the pattern is like not pressing the button in LOST, and you dont like it. You dont do it once and you live without it and then you realize it wasnt really so important.

Maaa ka jaat.. life waste hai tera..

Nonetheless,I think we have enough to read and write.

Till Then..

For a world that is devoid of pseudo syndromes

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