Kahani_ghar_ghar_ki

When the whole Bachchan clan was out on twitter trying to get suggestions for their kid's name, I was actually thinking they should name her "Gumnam" or "Unanmed". Just so that you know, all those who did send suggestions; you suck monkey ballls if you thought they were going to pick the name you proposed.

The reason behind my thought process is the way kids actually beat the shit out of other kids mental stability making them the butt of all jokes. And this has always been a tradition at school. A unique/weird/funny name. A messed up / degenerate lineage. These are all disasters in making for the future of kids. I cant even start to imagine how tough Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai's daughter will have it at school.

Consider this:

  • Her Mom was Miss World and then ended up doing movies like Aa Ab Laut Chalen with pension seekers like Rajesh Khanna and Jaspal  Bhatti. Housekeeping turned actor Akshaye Khanna. Then she goes on to have a very talked about affair with a man who in the current date is a day away from phasing out his genitals into excretory organs only. The oldest strong short man of Bollywood who then passes the baton to a man who could film a documentary which will be watched more than the Self Destruction of Ultimate Warrior; and frankly more than all his films put together. She then marries a man who wears pants on his chest and thinks hes can live his entire life on commercials from a single brand that signed him up the day they thought he will make it big in the an industry he was never wanted in. She then lives by the same principle of making ends meet with a single brand endorsement. The only time she gets to don designer gowns is when some Dharavi store plugs a label they got from Bhindi Bazaar to a gown they purchased from Ulhas Nagar and sends it to her to wear at Cannes. She gets an invite from the film meet because she is the only Indian before Anil Kapoor who made a complete fool of herself in a Hollywood flick. A sequel of a successful franchise that people want to laugh remembering when they see her at the festivals. She carries her arm candy, read the other single endorsement parasite, because there is only one white tuxedo they ever stitched in the world with pants that have to fit on the chest; and he needs an occasion to wear it apart from days he plays butler to his father.

  • Her Dad is a legend in himself. Someone who dared enter the movie industry at an age when most actors like Suniel Shetty found some maturity and still makes a standing fool and example of himself. Whose best friends are Ritesh Deshmukh and Goldie Behl who cant give him more than Drona and bad haricuts and stupid re-tweets. This guy has presented epics like Refugee, Dhai akshar prem ke, Dhoom, Bas itna sa khwab hai, Players and a whole lot of movies that had their DVDs rotting in the aisles and then the attics of stores. If someone looks for a torrent for a movie that our legend has acted in, torrent sources actually look for you, buy originals DVDs of good movies and send them to you. Just so that you know what to look for the next time. This has man is not slapped by the traffic police everytime he is seeing at a signal only because his father did some good work in movies and is still belting out some good stuff. The only reason this guy has a car and is not travelling by buses and trains is because his father is still earning when his other pension earning peers are chilling on their rocking chairs and sipping on that tea. Everyone thinks there is crowd outside the Bachchan residence to meet Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. But the fact of the matter is they are all there to plead Amitabh to either disown Abhishek or fix him up with a juice stall at juhu beach so he could atleast get his rickshaw fare in place. This man has the talent to touch anything and turn it to shit. He is a born genius. He is an embarrassment to nature (credit: Ice Age 1). Amitabh Bachchan making frequent trips to the hospital is not really un-well. He is trying to get some alone time and stay away from crap-idol.
If I can make a rock solid attempt at not cursing and making it sound not bad for these two, imagine what kids in school and college can do to the daughter with their freedom of speech. She would have had a safer bet being Un-named. But now that she has a name, she'd rather get home schooled.

There is another thing we need to consider. Amitabh Bachchan is almost 70 now. Im giving him a good 10 more at the max. In the same 10 years, I dont see Abhishek getting any movies or atleast pulling off any that make any monetary sense to anyone. Sr. will start consuming his pension in  more. Jr. with his lifestyle and the property maintenance and up-keep alone will run them out of their fortune in the next 5 years. So effectively by the end of Sr. Jr will be looking for an office boy job in an ITES firm. He wont have a problem finding one because he will not be recognized, provided he wears his pants on his waist. That's a real give away. If you are thinking Fat Bean Bachchan (formerly Aishwarya Rai) will make the money they need from movies and endorsements she does. I'm sorry but i dont see any amount of liposuction (or any other suction) get her any kind of movies. Now, provided their daughter will not be home-schooled, she will definitely be looking for a job in an IT / ITES company. No, no other movie banner will want to give her a shot at movies because of what they have seen the flying colors (read shit) the parents have come up with. And ofcourse the Bachchan brand would be long lost by then.

So in the next 2 decades if you are interviewing a female with a name ending in Bachchan, it might not be cheesy to ask if her parents were actors at any point in their life. If yes, the interview goes to a psychological level then, by the end of which you might either recommend sessions, or might take sessions.

I want to know who the fkk conducts surveys that brand India as the 4th or 5th or whatever rank we are in the top 10 happy nations. And then they base it on the number of people smiling on a daily basis. I personally dont see so many people smiling. As a matter of fact, I see more frowns and sad people. The ones who are smiling, either read this post or are thinking on the same lines.

Till Then..

For a World where everyone house has an oil well.

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